I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.

Audre Lorde

This quote by Audre Lorde is one of my favorites, but honestly, it’s one to which I can’t completely relate.

Sure, I try to be deliberate in all I do. But I am afraid of plenty.

I try to pretend as if I’m not. My bio on Facebook is “Fearless, Feminist Freelancer” and all summer I’ve been toting around a pink notebook that boasts “Fearless Female” on the cover.

And as a woman of faith, I try to hold tight to verses like Proverbs 31:25, which reads, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”

But the days to come often keep me up at night.

So today I’m confessing my fears, not because I want you to say something that will ease them (you can’t), but because I want other women dealing with these fears to know they are not alone. And I want you to see how I feel the fear and do it all anyway so that you can, too.

  1. Even though I pay my taxes and won’t even write off everything that I could for fear of being audited, I have nightmares about the IRS coming after me demanding $1 million in back taxes. But I’m still out here trying to get these coins!
  2. I have a notebook of ideas for See Jane Write that I have yet to implement because I fear my tribe is tired of me. But I’m going to see every idea through to fruition, anyway.
  3. Every time I have a speaking engagement I’m afraid someone in the crowd is going to start heckling me. But I keep doing speaking engagements, nonetheless.
  4. I often fear that God doesn’t find me worthy of the desires of my heart, but I still pray every day.
  5. I struggle with making time to be a good friend and a good entrepreneur, but I’m trying to figure it out one text and one girl’s night at a time.
  6. I’m convinced all my friends are hanging out without me. Yet, I delight in my own company.
  7. Back when I juggled writing and entrepreneurship with teaching full-time, I got up at 4 a.m. every weekday. And, to be honest, I wore that like a badge of honor. So now I feel guilty for waking up at 6 a.m. But I feel rested AF.
  8. When everyone was posting elderly versions of themselves from FaceApp last month I refused to play along because I’m only OK with getting old if I don’t look my age. Yet, you couldn’t pay me to be in my 20s again.
  9. I’m afraid my business will fail because I’m not good enough, smart enough, funny enough, popular enough, skinny enough, or pretty enough for it to succeed. Then, I remember I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
  10. I worry my best days — and my best works of writing — are behind me. But I keep moving forward.
  11. No matter how much I do each day, I never feel as if I’m working hard enough. But I’m learning how to give myself a break.
  12. I have a chronic illness and sometimes I fear it’s going to get the best of me. But I will keep fighting.
  13. I am in a constant battle with anxiety and depression and sometimes I fear I’m going to lose. But I will keep fighting.
  14. Imposter syndrome is real, y’all. But just as soon as I start worrying about someone calling me a fraud, a woman sends me an email to tell me that See Jane Write has changed her life.
  15. Every day for at least five minutes I am convinced that quitting my teaching job to be a full-time writerpreneur was a huge mistake. But every day something happens to reassure me that I am on the right path.

What is your biggest fear and how are you moving forward in spite of it?