One in four people with vaginas will experience chronic vulvovaginal pain in their lifetime, yet this is a topic rarely discussed in media or even among friends. We live in a society that even makes saying the word “vagina” taboo! Bonnie Gross, however, is on a mission to change all this.

Bonnie is the writer and producer of Lady Parts, an independent feature film showing on Saturday, August 24 at Sidewalk Film Festival in Birmingham, Alabama.

Lady Parts follows Paige, an aspiring screenwriter living in Los Angeles who’s just days away from securing a writer’s assistant position. But she’s also grappling with severe vaginal pain. She’s suffered broken relationships due to painful sex, and gone to multiple doctors who weren’t able to give her a correct diagnosis. Feed up, Paige sees the top specialist in the city, but the price of the initial appointment forces Paige to call her parents for financial help. Soon, Paige’s sexual health becomes a family affair after she must turn down her dream job and move back in with her parents to have vaginal surgery. But during her recovery, we see Paige not only heal from surgery but learn to advocate for herself in all aspects of her life along the way.

Lady Parts is a story based on Bonnie’s own experience with chronic vulvovaginal. This film is the perfect example of a woman sharing her story in an empowering way and, in turn, helping herself and others to heal.

Nancy Boyd, who directed the film, also struggles with vaginismus. Bonnie says for her and Nancy turning these struggles into a work of art has been “cathartic and beautiful.” This work of art came to be with the help of a majority female-identifying crew including cinematographer Olaa Olabi, editor, Edith Belmont, producer, Meghan Griesbeck, composer, Hollie Buhagiar, and lead actress Valentina Tammaro.

We had a chat with Bonnie and Nancy about the film, which premiered at the Florida Film Festival and snagged the Audience Choice for Best Narrative Feature and the Special Jury Award for Screenwriting.

Bonnie, how did your personal story inspire Lady Parts?

Bonnie: The story began when I was 13 years old and felt too embarrassed to tell anyone that tampon insertion was painful. I thought it was normal to feel pain and wore them once a month for years, not saying a word to anyone. Then as I got older, everything relating to my vulva area was painful including wearing tight pants, sitting on a bike, pap smears, and sex. It felt taboo and wrought with shame, so I just smiled and kept pushing through the pain that felt like a hot knife stabbing me.

Finally, I hit a point where I started to seek out medical help, only to be left in a world of disappointment. Not only were doctors dismissing my pain, but telling me that the pain was either normal, or just in my head. One doctor even suggested drinking before sex even though I was underage. After years of medical gaslighting and bouncing from doctor to doctor, I found a specialist in New York that correctly diagnosed my vulvar vestibulitis and vaginismus. Immediately following college graduation, I got a vestibulectomy, and spent a year recovering with bed rest and pelvic floor physical therapy.

I wrote Lady Parts to finally put content out there that would help so many others feel less alone in their struggles, and normalize what can be hard conversations. Sometimes just having something to relate to can change everything. Although someone may not be experiencing a vulvo-vaginal or pelvic pain disorder, there are so many aspects of this story that viewers can relate to. Whether this be with your relationships, medical issues, or career, I hope for people to leave inspired to take on their own challenges and feel comfortable talking to their loved ones. Visibility is important. If just one person could see it, and walk away learning something new, or finally feeling seen and heard, then we have done our job.

Tell us about what it took to make the dream of this film a reality.

Bonnie: I had tried pitching Lady Parts, but it seemed no one was ready to tackle the “taboo” topic, even though up to 1 in 4 people with vaginas will experience chronic vulvovaginal pain in their lifetime. After a few years of pitching and some time to reflect over the pandemic, I realized what I had to do. I was going to self produce and self finance Lady Parts and finally get it made. If there is no seat at the table, I was going to pull one up myself. I reworked the script, scheduled a table read, started an LLC, and began pre-production. With the help of so many amazing friends, family, and peers, we wrapped principal photography in the summer of 2022 and finished post production at the end of 2023.

From my surgery in 2016 to now, it has been 8 years straight of working on Lady Parts while working full-time and sometimes multiple jobs to stay afloat. Even during our filming in 2022, I was still working my full-time New York post coordinator job remotely. I would wake up around 3 am to get a head start on both jobs, work full-time New York hours, then be on set for up to 14 hours, then repeat. This went on for at least a month. Not to mention because of the low budget and resources, I was also driving the production truck each day, heading up crafty, procuring props, and really just anything and everything that needed to get done. I cared so much about the mission behind this story that I was willing to do whatever was necessary to get the job done. I knew what it would mean for the younger generation to have a story like this on the big screen.

I live every day trying to make my younger self proud of the woman I am becoming and constantly growing into. I know she would be proud of the media we are creating and putting out there for others. Today and every day I am proud of her, especially on this Lady Parts journey. 

In the trailer we see Paige writing a blog post about her journey. Why was it important for you to depict Paige sharing it with others through writing?

Bonnie: I actually wrote a blog post in real life the weeks following my vestibulectomy. Prior to writing it, I hadn’t told any of my friends and family about what was truly going on with me out of shame and the societal stigma. People responded to the blog, saying “This is really cool that you’re writing about this” or “This is something I’m struggling with” or “I know somebody who has this, can they reach out to you?” For the longest time, I thought this was just happening to me. I was so scared to tell anybody about the surgery, let alone any part of my vulvo-vaginal journey. And now obviously I am telling the world. Through every stage of this process, it became more and more obvious to me that this film needed to be made. We’ve had so many people reach out saying “This is exactly my journey” or “I showed this trailer to my parents to explain what was happening to me”. The validation that resonates with so many after seeing this film and finally watching a story they can relate to, is what drives me to continue shouting from the rooftops about this topic.

This brings me back to Paige and Lady Parts – Ironically, as Paige is loosening up her pelvic floor muscles, her mind is loosening up, and all the characters around her are loosening up too. If one person can open up, it makes space for someone else to open up, which is the whole point of sharing this story to begin with. When Paige writes this blog post, it is the first time she is saying vagina loud and proud. She learns, like I did as well, that sharing your story only gives you more power over it and can help so many others feel validated.

Why do you think society is so afraid of the word “vagina”?

Nancy: I feel like Maude Lebowski answering this: “The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. They don’t like hearing it and find it difficult to say, whereas without batting an eye, a man will refer to his dick.” The word is highly censored across films, TV, and you can get flagged on social media for using it in even a medical sense. A school told its students they could only perform The Vagina Monologues if they switched the word out for something else.

As long as we have an intrinsic societal belief that a woman’s body and sexuality is dirty, we will be afraid of the word “vagina.” In 2015, a study of women ages 18-24 showed that 66% of participants were embarrassed to say the word vagina. I’m hoping we’ve progressed since then, but if you’re afraid to even describe your body, how are you going to get the help you need to keep it healthy? Let’s overlook the gross fact that the word “vagina” comes from heteronormative and male-centered language to mean “a sheath for his sword.” It’s more inclusive and it’s safer to use medical terms than silly pseudonyms like “Lady Garden”. We actually made hundreds of friendship bracelets with these funny terms for vagina that we hand out at festivals to show how many ridiculous names we have… when we could simply say the correct word.

What do you think it will take to finally shatter the stigma around discussions of women’s health?

Nancy: I think in order to shatter the stigma around discussions of women’s health we all need to talk about it. Loudly. And without shame. Even if we are faking it at first! We can be uncomfortable and still be brave while we talk about these things. All of us make up our culture and every time we have open discussions about our bodies we are teaching young women, our peers, and ourselves that it’s okay to talk about these things and it’s okay to ask for help. Our health matters and our sexual wellness and pleasure matters! If we stop treating our bodies like this deep dark secret, it will empower us to ask the questions we have and seek the tools we need to be happy and healthy.

Learn more about Lady Parts at ladypartsfilm.com. Get your tickets and view the complete schedule for the 26th Annual Sidewalk Film Festival at sidewalkfest.com.