Energetic. Bubbly. Joyful.
These are all words people have used recently to describe me.
One person even said, “I wonder if you ever have a bad day.”
Another said she admires me because I am “so together.”
While these comments are sometimes flattering, sometimes that make me wonder if I’m being fake.
I do NOT have it all together and some seasons my bad days far outweigh the good. In fact, I’m in one of those seasons right now, mostly due to family issues, health problems, and things beyond my control. But I rarely share these things on my blog or on social media because I’m a relatively private person and because the Internet is not my therapist.
That’s not to say we shouldn’t write about our troubles. I think we should because people need to know they’re not the only ones struggling. But I believe I should only blog about my mess once I’ve waded my way through it so I will have something valuable to share.
I have a small circle of friends who know all about all my mess, friends that I go to when I need to cry or curse or both, friends I’ve had to turn to a lot recently. But when it’s time for me to help the women who read my blog, who attend See Jane Write workshops or who sign up for one-on-one coaching, it’s time for me to tuck my troubles away. I’ve realized that’s not being fake. That’s just being an adult. You didn’t pay to hear about my problems.
So I’m not here today to throw a pity party, but to remind you that you cannot truly know someone because of what you see on social media or at social events. This is why comparison and jealousy are such a colossal waste of time and energy. Don’t assume someone’s life is perfect just because her Instagram feed is. Don’t assume someone has it all together just because her blog or her business is on point.
Likewise, please know that my life is not my blog. My life is not a Facebook status update, a tweet, a square snapshot on Instagram, or a 10-second story on Snapchat.
And remember to always be kind to the people who cross your path. You never know what pain lies beneath a smiling face.
Your process is spot on. There is nothing wrong with maintaining your privacy. That eliminates the possibility of someone getting too personal, especially when you are about your business. Despite life’s tests and challenges, being professional is still important. That is not being fake at all.
Sometimes a person will ask you a question or give you a compliment with the intent to “fish” some personal information out of you. And sometimes they can’t wait to hear that your life isn’t picture perfect because they just want to feel better about themselves.
But you already know that 🙂
So many people report their every blink on social media, then wonder why everyone knows their business or judges them. We all go through things, but there is a time and a place for everything. I appreciate you sharing this; it’s my confirmation that my instincts are right and that I’m not being too private. Thank you.
Thank you for your comment, Tanisha. Fortunately, I think that the people in my life who say I have it all together are being genuine in the compliments, but I know there are people are there who say things like that just to try to get information from you.
As I said in the post, I do think we should share our struggles, but only when we have a lesson to share with it.
Thanks again for reading and for taking the time to comment.
No problem. You’re right about sharing things after the fact to put lessons out there. The response to feedback is different when your situation is already taken care of.
I wrote a piece recently to challenge myself to be vulnerable in my writing. I was pleased with the outcome; if not for the 400 word limit, I would have shared more.
Funny thing – I shared it with my Mom, and she started crying on the phone! She asked me if I was ok, and if I needed someone to talk to, she was there. I said, “Ma, I’m fine. I don’t feel like this right now, it’s just something I wanted to write.” Literally, the first three words of the piece are “I used to” But it didn’t stop there.
For the next week she called me more times than she had in months. And while I know she loves me, and I appreciated the concern, her response made me a little uncomfortable. For a moment, I second guessed myself and wondered if I was being too open. It wasn’t a cry for help.
Once I explained that to her, things went back to normal. Only then did she share with me that she’s been secretly writing a prayer journal for years! Go figure. Something great came from it, and now we have a whole new level of our relationship to tap into. She’s my biggest fan!
That’s so great! Don’t second guess yourself. Sharing when you have a lesson to offer is a great idea and the fact that it helped you connect with your mom makes it even more worthwhile.
This is the beautiful truth! I needed to read this today. People often feel like I have it all together, but I don’t.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. Hang in there. You’ve got this!
Thank you for this.
Thank you for reading.
This was a great read! Signified to me that there’s a time and place for vulnerability.
Also reminded me that when I don’t get my blog done “on time,” that it’s okay not to stop my life to do it. I got that from the title; so glad I kept reading! 🙂
Well, I do think that as adults we have to carry on with work even when life gets tough (and I consider my blog part of my work), but taking time for self-care is definitely important, too.